Monday, November 5, 2012

You Don't Have The Legs For That

I'm still a new parent so it's a relative given that there are still a lot of things I will learn over the coming 16+ years about how to get the it right. But rest assured that I won't be beat out for parent of the year from the gene pool lifeguards letting their devil spawn out of the house in shorts.

Let me clarify a bit because I do realize that depending on when and where you read this shiny, polished turd of knowledge you might think shorts in 80 degree weather is just fine. It's November in DC and the high today didn't break 48. Does that help?

Maybe I don't get it. Perhaps your he-devil 12 year old Nags and Nags and Nags until you just relent. Or maybe they wear jeans out and changed in the boys room so you don't know, but I'm still holding you responsible. It's your job to raise them better.

Actually, I'd like to also blame the schools too. If 12 year old Jane Doe arrives at school in this weather wearing nothing but a thong and a tube top you as a principal would (take pictures of course and) call her parents right away. What's the difference here?

The boys are also dressed horribly inappropriately for the weather and based on the rest of their suburban- ghetto fabulous look are no doubt contributing to a negative learning environment.

Before you dear readers snap at me for passing judgment to quickly, let the record show that I wear shorts in this weather and much colder. That is when I'm running upwards of 20 miles and a mile in my body temperature is already feeling 20 to 30 degrees warmer then it actually is outside. I'd also be a bit more open to discussing this if it were an epidemic with girls also rocking shorts or dresses in late fall, but they have more sense than that.

It's real simple parents, if your idiot kids are still wearing shorts make them put on jeans or even better, staple the jeans to their legs. The 80s are back and all that blood will lead to a nice acid washed look. You can thank me later.

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