Monday, November 19, 2012

Your Hoop is Crooked...Keep Moving

Some kids can play basketball on a hoop that's not quite straight. They don't care because they're having a great time. As adults we lose sight of this sometimes and insist that the hoop be straight and demand that the park service or the city utility fix it right away. Usually I have enough patience in life to look beyond a straight hoop and just enjoy the game.

Okay if you been reading this column you know that complete BS. I have absolutely no patience for things that are not done correctly. Because the holidays are descending upon us I feel the need to share with you a few more things that straighten my hoop.

The first of these is mall walking. This method of self powered transportation generally is found in American shopping malls, outlet centers and anywhere else mass commerce tends to rear its head. Its not that tough to spot, just look for slack jawed shoppers strolling along looking in every window no matter if the store stocks anything that they might be remotely interested in. In some cases it's items that they can't afford or already have 400 of and any more and their significant other will pack up the dog and the kids and head to their Mother's house.

We all exhibit this behavior from time to time and it's understood if you're out to browse then it's probably not the end of the world.  But what toasts my buns on the wrong side are the people doing it from the middle of every walkway in your local mall. Why can't you get closer to each store to look in, leaving the middle open for folks like me to walk at a quicker pace? Are you worried that you won't see the stores on the other side? You are aware that the mall wraps around and based on what I just saw you shove down your pie hole at the food court you could use some more walking?

Look, I'm just trying to get back to my car. I've had a long day and the only reason I stopped in this den of iniquity is to get a bite for dinner while I wait out the daily traffic jam that you call rush hour. Just let me get there and get home.

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