Friday, January 18, 2013

Who Is Buying This Stuff?

Lance Armstrong is a douche. That's not a surprise and after watching the highlights of his interview with Oprah Winfrey the other day that assumption is confirmed.

Actually after watching the interview, I have another assumption that was shown to be true. The only thing that Oprah can be hard hitting with is a rack of ribs and a bucket of The Colonel's chicken. This was at best a fluff piece and Armstrong knew it which is why he came out now. He purposely avoided ESPN, or one of the main stream news outlets so that he could admit his guilt and be done with it. Actually I wouldn't be surprised if he was the source of the leak to Deadspin about the Manti Te'o story. Just enough sensationalism to pull the pressure off of him.

But Lance's douche-iality, Oprah's eating prowess, and Te'o's gullibility are not the topic of conversation in this space today. No. Today I want to talk about a different type of "performance enhancing drug". 

I love my XM radio and if you're into music, sports, or have kids I definitely recommend getting one (talk to me first though...I can get you a deal on the service). Many of the stations are really commercial free, if you include all the promos for the upcoming programs. I'll let that slide as NPR does roughly the same thing. But some of my favorite channels are not blessed with such wealth and thus if I want to hear uncensored comedy or the latest baseball news I have to put up with a commercial or two.

That's fine. I won't buy anything advertised if I can help it so fire away. Coke, Verizon, Bank of America, whatever. Keep tossing them out and I will "toss" them out.

But my problem starts when Johnny Bench, yes, the "Little General" himself becomes the sales manager and starts plugging away and selling primetime spots to "performance enhancing drugs" marketed specifically to males. Viagra, Cialis and the like are the mainstream. They are too cool for satellite. No, if you want to get your woman to love you and make her scream like a school girl you need to go a little lower on the scale. Science be dammed; you don't need to wait hours for your flag pole to be ready to salute, now you only need 7 seconds for something called Stendra. only need 7 little seconds. That's less time then snorting a line of meth or even for a hit of ecstacy to kick in.

Why do I know this? Well I've heard that advertisement about 300 times. And that was just yesterday. But other people are hearing these ads and somebody's buying this stuff...otherwise they wouldn't keep advertising. But who?

The best I can figure is that the target demographic are men (duh), and many of them are not able to get or maintain an erection. Thankfully I'm not in this demographic, yet. But if I was I would think that many of my medications, most would come from a doctor's script. I generally try to avoid calling strangers on the phone for a cure to a condition that I would prefer to have a medical professional look at first.

But that of course doesn't stop people from doing dumb things. See Bush, President, George, W two times. So people are buying this stuff. They only have so much time with the hooker after all. So what now? How much longer is it until we get the 6 second pill and the 4 second pill. Hell why do we even need to wait that long. Why can't we just walk around at full mast the entire time? Sure we'd need to buy new pants and rejigger the steering wheels in our cars but how cool would that be.

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