Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Dear, why is there vomit in my mouth?

Maybe its because I watched more than 2 minutes of the returns from the Iowa caucus last night and the anticipation that I will have to hear more about it today.

I think my distaste is threefold.

1) The greatest democracy in the world starts its nominating process with possibly the stupidest citizens (not including the fine residents of Texas). Remind me why we honor these people who pride themselves on knowing so much about politics that when they do cast their votes, they pick the eventual party nominee less than 50 percent of the time. Not a good ratio.

Additionally, if you listen to the interviews conducted with voters yesterday, you might think that the entire state is educated in the same one room school house. A woman said that this was the most important election in her lifetime (she was in her 50's), others kept going on and on about how "we" have to "beat Obama." No, what you need to do is use that critical thinking portion of your brain that humans have developed over thousands of years and figure out which candidate's platform is closest to your own stance on important issues. And yes, if you really think that Rick 'I'm more baths*& crazy than Michelle' Santorum is that person than pick them.

However I will add that if you needed more proof that the 30,000 or so voters who cast their ballots for Santorum are dumber then dirt, The Dugger Family (yes all 19 or 4,000 of them) were out campaigning the day before for the former PA senator. Ugh!

2) Because Iowa is the only state to hold a contest on this day, the candidates can spend an inordinate amount of time and energy lying to the people because they don't have to fly across the country to pedal a different pile of steam up another state's voters that same day. Let's make it interesting. Move New Hampshire and South Carolina to the same day as Iowa. You'll have an easier time weeding out the candidates and I could get on with my life (plus watch most of the candidates hang themselves with different positions on the same topic based on their audience).

3) Get religion out of the debate. I don't care if Mormons really do believe that a spacecraft will come down and wisk them away to heaven. I also don't care how white evangelicals voted. Stop trying to spin data to fill time. Either give me the full breakdown including how Asian homosexuality Jews voted or just go to a commercial break featuring the shake weight.

Speaking off jerk offs I think The Onion got it just right when they declared the caucus winner, a 600 pound butter sculpture.

OK the vomit is mostly gone now. Good thing the last thing I ate was birthday cake... That could have been ugly!

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