Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Dear Lady, Soda Machine, and Job Market

Dear Lady Who Sat Down Next to me on the Metro This Morning,

I’m sorry to hear that your motor skills are going. And you are so young. What are you, 40, 45, maybe 50? It’s a real shame that you can no longer manage to grasp and manipulate objects the way you could when you were younger.

At least I think that’s the problem. I mean that’s the only logical conclusion I could come up with, unless…no…it couldn’t be….could it? Is it possible that you have no sense of smell?

See I don’t have a problem with either of those maladies and because of it I had to smell your perfume this morning. Actually “smell” is too kind a word; I should really go with “be overpowered by.” As in you doused yourself with so much Channel, White Diamonds, or Old Spice-Female, that I almost choked when you first sat down. As the ride into the city progressed I moved on to a state of nausea.

And when I finally got the chance to get out of that seat and the train car, you also exited. Is this a sick joke? Get the hell out of my way and let me get to some fresh air now!



Dear Soda Vending Machine,

This afternoon when I deposited my loose change into your slot my mouth was watering for a diet cola that rhymes with “poke-a-pola”. But you surprised me. What came out of your refrigerated box but a can of diet soda that rhymes with “Doctor Pepper” (actually it was a can of Dr. Pepper) But wait, I know I hit the Diet Coke button…I had to…You lied to me! How many 10’s of others have you popped the same line to? You promise them a silver can and instead steal their money and give them a white can. What kind of scam is this?

Wait a minute! This stuff is really good. It tastes like 23 different flavors are exploding in my mouth. Yeah there’s no caffeine but this stuff is still really good. It hits the spot.

Ok I’m happy for now but next time you don’t give me what I want I’m going to commit the ultimate crime against machinery….I’m pulling the plug!



Dear Job Market,

Thank you for hiring my friend, and frequent contributor to this blog, SG. She’s very happy about her new position and we in return are happy to see her happy. All this with out a Dr. Pepper? Who would have thought it?



1 comment:

Stefanie said...

Thanks for the shout out! VERY excited to start next week (although I'll miss the sleeping in!)