Thursday, June 12, 2008

Matched on 30 Points of Compatibility (and Desperation)

I hate to keep pulling from news articles (and obscure ones at that) but this was too good to pass up. A homeless man in southeastern Pennsylvania was arrested and charged with a numerous counts of theft and deceptive business practices after he swindled more then $100k out of 13 area women.

The article is here.

It turns out that he met these women on an unnamed on-line dating service. How does a homeless guy get on an on-line dating site? Well I’m glad you asked; see (according to the article) his only possession was a laptop. A laptop???

I don’t know many homeless people (none at all actually) but I see them all the time and I have yet to see one saunter over to Starbucks and plug in their MacBook Air or their Sony Vio and start typing away. It seems to me that if you have a laptop as your only possession, you either stole it or are too friggin’ stupid to pawn it for oh say…FOOD MONEY!

And that brings us to the swindled women. Now this guy was 50 and if the women were in the same age range I understand that there is a certain about of “desperation” if you are not with somebody to find your special someone as time keeps on ticking for you. But if this guy only had a laptop (and we have to assume some clothes) then how did he pick you up for dates. Did you not notice that he didn’t have a cell phone or that all your dates involved some form of “free samples” at Costco? Then you fall in love with this guy so quickly that you decide to invest in his CD business. Oh he was “Grammy Nominated” you say? Well perhaps you’ve heard of the Internet (you must have because you’re using it to troll the dating sites). Maybe you should have looked up his claim to see if it’s true before giving him $10k large?

I think the biggest crime here is that he was found in a casino in AC. He should have had better taste and at least gone to Vegas or Mississippi or something like that…AC is a dump.

Lastly, I would have killed to be in on that initial phone conversation when the swindled single (ha I can write headlines too!) called police to complain, “That he had stopped returning her phone calls.” How did that go?

“Hello 911 what’s your emergency?”

“Yeah this guy I met online who doesn’t ever change his clothes and carries around a laptop all day stopped returning my phone calls. Oh and I gave him $10,000 to invest in his company.

“Chunk, is that you? You always call with these crazy stories!”

“No, I’m being serious. The Fratelli brothers,...err...I mean this homeless guy swindled me out of $10k.”

“Lady, this is not an emergency. Please don’t call back unless you’re being kidnapped by One-Eyed Willie!”


No comments: