Dothan? How are the Bagels?

File this one under “What You Talkin’ ‘Bout Willis?” but “Larry Blumberg is looking for a few good Jews to move to his corner of the Bible Belt.”

Yeah I can’t believe it either but evidently we’re talking about some big money here on the line. We’re talking specifically $50k large if you move to this square in Alabama and stay there (and a member of a specific synagogue) for five years.

But is it as easy as that? I think some investi-mi-gating is in order here. Lets first start with the job situation, because 50-grand is a lot of money but you don’t see it for five years and you need to live on more then tax rebate checks. A search of Monster.com shows that I can work in the US NAVY, be a retail guy at an Alltel wireless store, or work for the TSA as a screener at the local airport. Here are the problems I see: I don’t look good in white, I had that Chad guy from the commercials, and I would probably not pass the security check needed to work Part Time in the airport. Ok that leaves me with the local stuff: It looks like I can work for the city (Dazed and Confused) as a Crossing Guard (part-time).

Ok so now that I’m making $7.04/hr with no real benefits what do I do for entertainment (besides a dial up connection for Ozark porn)? Well Panama City, Florida is a 2 hour drive down local highways.. spring break here I come! Or I could see the worlds shortest city block, or indulge my dining pleasure at one of the fine restaurants in town like: Chili’s Bar & Grill, Ruby Tuesday, Golden Corral, or Hooter’s. And after the meal I can walk around town to look at the peanuts.

Sounds like Bloggerman is packing up the family and moving to Alabama. Now if only I could find my Skynard CD!
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Disclaimer:
Dothan, Alabama is probably a perfectly nice place to live, work, dine, and be entertained. I do not mean to disparage its history, work ethic or citizenry with this posting. The opinions above are those of me and me only (perhaps most of the free world too but that’s not important now) and should not alter your view of this fine slice of Americana. Oh and there is a bagel place there too: Big Blue Bagel and Deli.