Thursday, October 30, 2008

Eye Black, Dew, and Beards

Note to Philly fans celebrating their team’s World Series win last night:
1) Congrats on winning
2) Don’t jump in front of cameras (see earlier post on this matter)
3) Why in G-d’s green earth are you wearing eye black? Do you think you look cool? You don’t. Are you trying to block out the bright sun while trying to catch a fly ball? It’s a night game stupid. Do you thing that if you look like a “ball player” their performance will surge? No. You don’t see fat Ryan Howard come to your cube with a red swingline stapler, a short sleeve dress shirt, and a Mountain Dew holding a sign saying, “Crunch those numbers!”

Speaking of Mountain Dew, nothing should be that color! It’s unnatural Even chemical waste that the Toxic Revenger pees out doesn’t look like that!

Finally a note on beards. They have to go. There are too many of you who just can’t manager to pull yourself out of bed five minutes earlier, Monday-Friday to put razor to face? A few exceptions are allowed (Santa, Jason, and others) but for the rest of you, come on! Just because Hollywood says “unshaven is cool” does not make it so. You are no longer in college where a perpetual 5’oclock shadow is the norm. Spend a few bucks and buy a can of Edge and a Bic.

Bloggerman Out!

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