You Lost What? Where?

Things to do at a ballgame:

• Get there early to see batting practice.
• Enjoy a hot dog and a beer
• See your favorite player launch a home run
• Catch a foul ball

Things NOT to do at a ballgame :

• Loose your gold tooth down a toilet in the public restroom
• Reach your hand into said toilet to try and retrieve it and in the process getting your arm stuck prompting you to scream for help at the top of your lungs thus necessitating the gathering of security personnel and onlookers to figure out how to get you out of this predicament.

Wait...that didn’t happen. Nobody is that stupid. Are they?

Uh...yeah there are. According to the NY Post a “hapless Mets fan...” found herself in just such a situation last week at the new Citi Field. The full story is here. Go read it and then come on back. I’ll wait.

Are you done? Great. Let’s get going.

What level of stupidity are we talking about here? I would argue that this is right up there with the dope that tried escalator surfing at Shea Stadium last year just before he fell to his death. I do feel bad for this lady though. Gold ain’t cheep (over $900/oz on the commodities exchange) and to drop it in the crapper is never fun. But sometimes dead is dead and gone is gone. I would like to know the following facts that were not included in the article (thankfully):

1) Why was this tooth loose enough to slip out? Aren’t gold teeth/fillings/other dental work usually fairly secure in your choppers and aren’t usually prone to slipping out in the John (Jane)?

2) Did she reach in after the initial “payload” cleared the bowl or was the water still “tainted”? If it’s the later....ewwwwww

3) What do you say if you are the first security officer to respond to this scene? What mind control technique do you use to stop yourself from busting out in utter laughter?

4) Finally, why was the plumbing company called before the fire department/rescue squad? That’s like seeing somebody getting mugged and calling Rolex to find out how to get the other guys watch back before you call the cops.