Monday, June 14, 2010

The French Plot to Take Me Out (via Yogurt)

This afternoon while chowing down on my container of Yoplait Light, “Apple Turnover” flavor when low and behold, I felt a foreign object in the area of my taste buds. After fishing around a mouth full of active cultures, apple bits, and some fillings, I found the offending objects.

It looks like translucent apple skin but could be plastic. If it’s the former, I can accept it as a small imperfection that made it past Inspector #9 (although the container wasn’t stamped) but if it’s the latter it could be anything from a stray shopping bag to the acrylic nail of the left pinky finger of one of the plant workers.

How do I know?

I don’t and that’s the scary thing. I guess I could try to digest it and see what happens. If it’s apple skin it should just break down in my system. But what if it’s part of a button from some guy’s shirt? Will I choke? Will I get sick and projectile vomit on the train home? I just can’t take these risks.

I’m going to err on the side of caution and figure that somebody at the Yoplait company (based in France no less) is out to get me and placed this piece of plastic here hoping that I’d take the risk and try it. They figure with me out of the picture, the term “Cheese Eating, Surrender Monkeys” will go out of vogue. I’m not worried as I know it will live on in the heart of every pure blooded American. This kind of patriotism brings a tear to my eye!

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