Friday, June 25, 2010

Pleasant Surprises and Unholy Nightmares

There are times in life when we confront a norm and find a new solution that surprises us and opens our eyes to something new. Then there are times when we see that new solution and realize it’s a nightmare of Wes Craven proportions. And just when you think this is going to be another in a long line of urinal stories you are correct.

During a recent trip to the outlet mall (which in and of itself has lost all meaning...remember when they were actually selling seconds and irregulars and out of it’s just another mall...but I digress) I felt the “urge” to visit the nearest water closet and “free the beast”. In other words, I had to tinkle. I saddle and see a sign indicating that the urinal I was about to use was “waterless.” Humm...what does that mean? Well sports fans, according to “The urinal bowl surfaces are smooth and urine repellent; urine is 95% liquid and its drainage is effected without flush water through gravity. Daily cleaning procedures are the same as for flushed urinals, yet save time per urinal.” Well how about that?! It sounds like a great idea, save water and cut costs. However what they don’t tell you is that clean up time is only reduced IF the patrons can hit the urinal with their stream. You see what I discovered is that upon stepping in and reading this sign and using the urinal is that there was a hell of a lot of “liquid” on the ground I was stepping on that wasn’t mine (or evidently the urinal’s). So thanks to all the slobs who couldn’t manage to hit the bowl and to the fine janitorial crews for doing such a crappy job of mopping. This Bud’s for you!

And not to be out done are the folks over at your local supermarkets. How can a store who’s sole purpose is to sell you food have a restroom that would give a highway gas station a run for it’s money? Now mind you I’m not talking about your classy groceries like Whole Foods or Trader Joe's or even Mars (never been in one but really want to try it). No, I’m looking at you Safeway and you Giant. What the hell is with you people? Do you not smell that? That’s dried pee not an air freshener (unless it is an air freshener and then it’s really disturbing). Seriously, go over to isle 11 and pick up some Lysol or Febreze and take care of that disaster area!

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