Friday, July 2, 2010

Dear Founding Farmers

I'm writting this to you not as the first agriculturalists but rather as the owners of the restaurant bearing their name where my coworkers and I had lunch yesterday.

The food, as always was very good so that's not the reason for my letter. Neither is the very cool Dyson bathroom hand dryer, which is very cool by the way.!

No todays letter focuses on two different yet none the less disturbing items at your establishment. Yesterday afternoon your bakers were very busy turning out all sorts of delicacies for dinner and today's lunch. I bet all that pastry and chocolate will make mouths water. However the burned wax paper it was prepared on only served to make my eyes water. The great thing about using wax paper in baking is knowing that your end product won't stick and getting to taste it. These are both worth the smell of burning crayons. However I got to enjoy neither of these joys of cooking.

The constant irritant by-product of dessert making might not have been that bad if we didn't have the tallest, creeping, most over-baring waiter of all time. Its like Herman Munster and Brigette Nielsen had an aborted love child that was pulled out of the clinic dumpster and raised by the Palin family. This guy kept using the pronoun "we" when referring to the table. "How are WE doing today?", "How are WE enjoying the salad". Creepy. Then when the order comes he says "How does the food look?". How it looks, seriously? Nobody cares how it looks. It can look like the steaming piles my dog leaves behind but might taste like chocolate mouse! How about giving "WE" a moment to actually try the food?

Those are my complaints. Let's try not to let it happen again!

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