Monday, October 25, 2010

Keep Your Religion Off Your Sleeve

Or in this case your neck! Are you that insecure with yourself? Do you think you may forget to pray/worship/sacrifice a live chicken to the deity of your choice if you don’t obsessively wear a novelty-sized symbol on the outside of your clothing?

Maybe I’m just a bit more secure in myself and my belief system or maybe its just that I don’t feel the need to push my beliefs in everybody’s face (other than the words on this blog). But you are not me, now are you?

No. You are Mike Singletary, head coach (for the time being) of the San Francisco 49’ers. There you are on my TV large as life with what appears to be a 3ft wooden cross around your neck. Why?? You don’t need to wear it. There is no league or team mandate that I know of. I would hope that your particular branch of Christianity doesn’t require the accessory. Does it help motivate your players? Well they are currently close to the bottom of the league in net turnovers (-6 thru 7 games). Do you think it helps G-d zoom in on you and focus his great will to help you win? Well you’re 1-6 on the season, so I’m not sure that’s the answer either. Are you so small minded that you don’t think a greater power has billions of other people across the globe to help survive flood, famine, or make it through another episode of Dancing with the Stars without offing themselves by jumping out the window???

Don’t bust my balls here. I’m ok with almost all religions and beliefs (those crazy Scientologists don’t count), and have no issue if you want to wear a size appropriate cross/Star of David/other around your neck. Heck ear a bigger one if it’s part of your professional uniform (military chaplin, Pope, etc) but if you don’t have to wear it, then don’t. I’m not impressed and neither are most of the other folks watching at home. In fact if somebody is swayed to alter the beliefs based on your outfit then I’d be extra dubious of their commitment. If they are easily swayed one way today, what’s stopping them from switching teams tomorrow and then going on to be a Pastafarian tomorrow? Don’t believe it can happen? See Madonna.

Where is the league in all of this? The NFL enforces a strict uniform policy for it’s players. How about implementing something similar for coaches? Personally I’d love to see them all in suits again. Just think about it, Bill Belecheck will be forced to wear sleeves, Rex Ryan will waddle into the closest branch of Sims, and Singletary will have to choose his religion or his job, although the way things are going it’ll be an easy choice in a week or two.

If Commissioner Godell, can’t get the job done then I may be forced to take emergency actions. Somebody prepare the Jewmobile as I drive coast to coast in an open top Cadillac with a 10ft menorah hanging out the back and the speakers blearing a mix of Kinky Friedman songs and Rosanne Barr chanting the Shema!

No comments: