Wednesday, August 12, 2009

HOV Traffic, The Floor is Not a Toilet, and Baseball Hate Crimes

We start today with the HOV lane. If you live in or around a large metro area you probably have seen these marvels of modern engineering. The High-Occupancy-Vehicle lane can mean different things to different people. No matter if you need four, three, or even a measly two people per car to take part in the lane’s access to less traffic and a quicker commute to/from work you know that there are people who openly flaunt the law and try to join you in the commute time savings even though their ve-hic-le doesn’t meet the minimum human requirements to ride there. I stress human, because there are numerous stories of people putting gym bags, dogs, and even mannequins in their passenger compartments in order to fool the police. Don’t believe me? Check out the folks over at Oregon Live Blog who detailed such a story. But the question is even if you don’t try to fool the cops, is it worth it to try and break the law by riding in the HOV’s when you shouldn’t be? This article in the Washington Post plays both sides but I think not. My In-Laws saw many of these violators while stuck in traffic on I-95 South yesterday between DC and Richmond and were wondering. I have to argue that it can’t possibly be worth a $1,000 fine. When you drive during peak hours you have to expect traffic, that’s part of living the American Dream near a big city. If you don’t plan for it then tough. There are certain exceptions here of course. If a bad accident snarls things up or a jumper decides to off himself by taking a leap off of your favorite river crossing the HOV lanes start to become mighty inviting but trust me, they’ll also clog up so you might as well pull over and have a drink. After all the penalties for drunk driving (not that I’m advocating it) are sometimes less harsh for first offenses then HOV violations. I’m just sayin’

Continuing on to that smell in the Men’s room. Wait...why is the floor near the urinal so wet? Oh no they didn’t! Oh yes they did. You...I’m taking to you...they guy who couldn’t even wait until you got the extra two steps to the urinal...the FLOOR IS NOT A TOILET!!! Add this to my list of bathroom misdeeds: the Pre Flush, non-handwashers, and going after “dropped” possessions. All I ask is that you hold it and take two more steps forward. Frankly, if that’s not close enough then try sitting on it for a while in one of the stalls. For cryin’ out loud...this is a workplace you sick piece of @#$@#$!

It’s hard to believe that there’s still hate crimes being committed in this country’s athletic fields. Last night an I-talian (from Jersey), Rick Porcello threw a pitch AT a Jew, Kevin Youklis. No, I don’t mean he threw a pitch too him that just missed and struck Youklis, Porcello actually threw AT him. If it were just a white guy throwing at a Hispanic guy...well that’s happens all the time. But there are only a few Jews playing Major League Baseball and we should be a protected class. That’s why I’m glad to see Bud Selig did the right thing (cut this posting out Bud, you might never hear me say you did the right thing ever again!) by suspending Porcello for five games. Oh sure Youklis charged the mound and then threw his batting helmet at the Tigers’ pitcher before tackling him (with form that the Jets could use btw) but Porcello should have known better. I hope his agent and accountant take some more money off the top when he’s not looking. Jews of the world unite!

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